Day 17

Wednesday April 11, 2012

Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about losing my hair and feeling a bit overwhelmed by this drastic change that’s about to take place. This morning Lincoln woke up early and was on the computer. I came downstairs to see what he was up to and there I found him looking at a website called “Bald Is Beautiful.” He also had some youtube clips of women who were experiencing various kinds of cancer and were shaving their heads as part of the process. I sat on his lap and watched a few of the video clips. I cried as I watched one video in particular. My heart went out to this lady because I knew exactly how she was feeling. As her hair fell to the floor, I noticed that her smile and her eyes never changed. They were beautiful and they sparkled. I saw her as a woman of courage, of strength, and I admired her.

I told Lincoln that I would decide by tonight what I wanted to do. As the day wore on, more and more of my hair was falling out. I told my daughter that I needed to shave it off tonight. We ran some errands together and stopped by the wig store to pick up a cute short wig. I asked my friend, Haley, if she’d come by the house and cut off the rest of my hair. She agreed. I then found a great motivating song that I wanted to play during the ‘shearing’ process.  It's called, 'Stronger' by Kelly Clarkston. After dinner, Tyler and Andrea showed up at the house. Lexy had texted them what was going to happen tonight and they came to support me. She had also texted a few of her close friends and simply said, "Please pray for my Mom tonight, she's cutting off her hair." What a sweet girl. Tyler even offered to shave his head too. Andrea gave him a big hug and said what a great idea that was, but could we please wait until after the wedding. I agreed! haha

Haley & Me Before

At 8:30pm, my friend, Haley, came over and we started the process. Lexy played my music, Lincoln video taped the experience, and Andrea & Tyler cheered me on. We laughed and joked and shared a few tears, but not too many. During the entire process, Lincoln kept telling me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. That meant a lot. I didn’t have a mirror to look at, but I could see the small, dark curls from my head rolling off my shoulders to the floor. When it was all done, I took pictures with my new GI Jane haircut. Tyler was so tender and told me how much he loved me and how pretty I looked.

Tyler & me with during the process

I was sad to see my hair go, but I also recognize that this is part of the process of getting better. I needed to cut my hair off before it can begin to grown back. I’m moving forward in faith. I feel a sense of control deciding when and how I’d get rid of my hair. I hugged Haley and told her how much I loved her. I know that it wasn’t easy for her to do and yet she was willing to be here for me and to do it in the privacy of my own home. She’s much younger than me, but she’s such a strength in my life and a dear friend.

Andrea, Tyler, me, Lincoln & Lexy