Do you really have cancer?

Sunday March 25, 2012 - Fast Sunday 

This morning, I felt odd attending church knowing that the ward was fasting for me and that they might talk about me. I was there with Lincoln & Lexy and my sister Kathy & her son, Alex. Before the meeting started a little second grade boy in the ward that I know from the elementary school approached me and asked, “Do you really have cancer?” I answered yes, I really do. He asked again, “Are you SURE you have cancer?” I laughed and said, “Yes. That’s what the doctors are telling me.” I could tell he was having such a hard time processing the fact that he was told I have cancer, which is supposed to be a scary sad thing, and yet I still look the same. I was at church and I was smiling. He asked me a third time. I simply explained that I was doing my best so that I can get better and return back to teach at the school. He walked back to his family with a very confused look on his face. I still don’t think he believes me.

To sum it up, the meeting was one of the most spirit filled meetings that I’ve been too. So many people shared their testimonies of faith and hope and healing and wished me a speedy recovery. They shared their love and support and stories of miracles happening in their own lives during times of trial and challenge and encouraged me to have hope.  Alex, shared a very tender testimony of feeling love from our ward and from our family.

I feel like my entire life has prepared me for this new journey. I know that I can do hard things with the Lord at my side. My faith is strong and I know that as we unite our prayers and faith together that the Lord can make miracles happen in my life. I am praying for a miracle. I want to live. I want to continue to be a mother and to become a grandmother. I want to grow with Lincoln and to continue to serve in any capacity that the Lord needs me.

As soon as the meeting ended, a new lady in our ward who was sitting in front of me said, “It’s an honor to fast for you.” Wow. I was overwhelmed. For some time people came up and talked to me & hugged me. I was emotionally exhausted afterwards. It was strange, but in a way I felt like I was attending my own funeral. Some people cried so hard and hugged me so tight, I felt like they were mourning my passing, even though I’m still here and plan on being here for some time to come! Haha I feel so blessed to be surrounded by so many good people. 

The Gift of Family

Sat. March 24, 2012

This morning my mom called early. I know that she probably didn’t sleep very much last night. I spoke with both my parents and we had a long talk about my diagnosis. I told her that I was fine, other than the news of the cancer. She had many questions, but most of them I could not answer. We’ll know a lot more after our meeting with the oncologist on Monday. Until then, I told her that we have to be positive and have faith in the Lord. I don’t want any time spent on negative thoughts or' what if’s.' I’ve decided to move forward in faith and trust in the Lord and in His timing. I know with Him all things are possible. I shared my testimony with my parents and expressed my love to them. I told my mom that we, she & I need to be strong. She has an upcoming surgery next week and I have a chemo treatment to do. Together, we can do this. It was a good talk.

Later this morning, Kathy, Ashley, Lexy and I went to get pedicures. It was a lot of fun and now I have pretty toes going to surgery! This afternoon, we took Lexy and headed over to her soccer game. Chad, Tyler, and Lincoln joined us and we had a great time cheering the team on and seeing them win 3-1. Kathy took a lot of pictures. It was a great afternoon being with my family and feeling the warmth of the springtime sunshine.

As the word got out via email to our ward about the ward fast for me tomorrow, people have started dropping by the house to give hugs and express their love and concern for us. We live in such an amazing neighborhood. I feel so blessed.

This evening, we had a group ‘skype’ session via the computer with all of my family in Washington. My parents are in North Bend and my brother & his wife are in Redmond. Tyler & Andrea, Ashley & Lexy, Chad and Kathy were all here at the house with us. We surprised Kathy with a birthday cake and sang happy birthday to her. We made it a "Princess Party" for my sister and got a princess themed cake. My mom dressed up and wore her crazy Go Go boots. And for some crazy reason, my dad put on one of my mom's old wigs and sunglasses. They are so entertaining! Chris had collected a stack of old family photos and shared them with all of us as we tried to guess what year and where each one had been taken. It was such a wonderful time to laugh and giggle and enjoy being together as a family. Although I've always know how much I love my family, in light of my current situation, I realize more than ever what a treasure being a part of a family truly is. They are our greatest joy. 

Lisa & Lexy enjoying the soccer game.

Lincoln, Lisa, Kathy, Alex, Tyler, Andrea & Lexy

The Process Begins . . .

Fri. March 23, 2012

Today I went back into surgery to have my port implanted. It was a same day surgery procedure. I remember filling out the consent forms and personal health history. In the past, I have always marked NO on all of the possible physical problems that people might have. I’ve been pretty darn healthy most of my life. I came to the box where it said, CANCER. I had to mark YES. I had a wave of emotion wash over me and I had to fight back the tears. The surgery went well and by Friday afternoon, I was home resting. Shortly after I got home, three friends from the neighborhood dropped by to visit me and extend their love. Lincoln brought up folding chairs and put them around my bed. We laughed and talked and I told them I was going to be just fine. I could tell they wanted to see me and see how I was doing. Everyone is in such a state of shock; me too! The Relief Society President from church asked if I was comfortable telling the ward so that the members can keep me in their prayers for this Sunday’s Fast Sunday Meeting. I decided that this is going to be a battle to get well and I need all the prayers, fasting, and faith that I can get. I told her I was all right with it. I don’t want to do this alone.

My kids who are attending Utah State University, Chad & Ashley, drove down from Logan to be with our family and it really meant a lot to me to have them here for the weekend. I haven’t seen Chad since Christmas and I have missed him. My sister, Kathy, surprised me and flew in to town from Seattle to spend a few days with me as well. It was so good to see her! We talked and laughed. It's just what I needed. I love my sister dearly. She called my parents tonight and told them the news. I’m so worried about my mom. She’s scheduled for back surgery next Tuesday and I don’t want my news to upset her prior to going into her own surgery. She needs to be strong as well. I guess we'll have to be strong together.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

This morning, we drove out to the doctor’s office and waited patiently for him to come in. Because my doctor had to leave the country yesterday, I was actually meeting with another doctor, who had done my hernia repair surgery the year before. We visited and talked about things in general at first and then he got to the results.

My head, neck, abdomen, and pelvis looked good. The mammogram was normal. The problem was in my chest. He told me I had a large tumor taking up about 20% of my upper left lung with various smaller tumors around it. The tumors from my lymph nodes on my shoulder had come from the main tumor. I was stunned, in disbelief. I asked again, what do I have? He replied, “Lisa, you’ve got stage 4 lung cancer.” Unbelievable! He asked me if I had ever smoked, if I had grown up in a home with 2^nd hand smoke, if I worked around asbestos. All my answers were the same, no. He asked if I’ve been experiencing any chest pain, shortness of breath or extra fatigue. Again, I said, No, No, No. I told him, I’m a wife and mother. I help coach a U14 competitive girls soccer team. I’ve been working full time at the elementary school with a 6^th grade class of 34 students. Am I tired, sure, but what woman isn’t?

He said 10% of the people who get lung cancer have never been around smoke in their lives. I was in the unlucky 10%. Then he showed us the computer screen with the image of my chest CT scan. Sure enough, there in black and white was an undeniable, oddly shaped tumor at the top of my left lung. There was no denying it.

He went on to explain that he had spoken with a terrific oncologist, Dr. Wendy Breyer, who would see me first thing Monday morning and give me my first chemo treatment. Before I did that, he told me I’d be going back into same day surgery tomorrow to have a ‘port’ put into my upper right chest. The port is just under the skin and will be an easy access point for the doctors and nurses to draw blood and give me chemo medications. There will be a small tubing connected to the port that will feed right into my main artery. He asked if we understood and we blankly agreed. I was in a fog. My mind was racing. He instructed us to walk across the parking lot the American Fork Huntsman Cancer Institute right next to the hospital and get registered. That’s where I’ll be getting my treatments. Dr. Peugh gave me a big hug before he left and wished me well. I’m thinking ‘that can’t be great news if the doctor is hugging me.’ Linc & I wiped our tears and I took a deep breath before we left the office.

At the Cancer Institute, we were given a stack of forms. I filled those out and stood back in line to turn them in. I heard a lady call my name from behind me. “Lisa, is that you? I’m Shauna from our BYU ward many years go. Do you remember me?“  I actually did. Then she said, “What are you doing here? Oh no. Don’t tell me you’ve got cancer!” I nodded my head and she hugged me and we both cried. I can’t believe this is really happening. It is so surreal.

Linc & I came home and tried to decide how best to share the news with our children. We drove to Tyler’s work and met him in the parking lot. He sat in the car with us and we told him of the results. He too was in shock and we shared some tears.

A week ago, I had arranged to meet, the mother of Tyler’s fiance, Andrea for lunch and wedding dress shopping. Even when I got the news about the cancer, I decided that I didn’t want to miss out on this special afternoon. I don’t know what the future will bring, but I wasn’t going to miss out on today. It was such a wonderful afternoon.  It turns out that Annette is a breast cancer survivor. We talked and she expressed her love and concern for me, my health and the upcoming wedding. I felt like we bonded.

Lincoln took Lexy and drove up to Logan to share the news with her, Chad, & Ashley. He said they laughed and cried together, but it made it easier to have been told in person.

Tyler and Lincoln gave me a blessing tonight. Tyler acted as voice and it was a beautiful blessing. I’m scared about the many unknowns about the future, but I also feel a real sense of peace that God is with me and that it will be all right.

As I knelt tonight in prayer, I thanked the Lord for the blessings of the gospel in my life and for my precious family. I thanked him for my testimony and for the power of prayer and temple covenants. I asked him to help me be strong on this journey so that I can be an instrument in his hands for good in lifting others and submitting to his will. 

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Lincoln and I went to the Orem Community Hospital at 8:00 for a mammogram. The technician told me that she wasn’t the expert, but that everything appeared to be normal and she wished me good luck. From there we went to run a few errands to kill some time before my next round of CT Scans at Utah Valley Hospital. It was surreal. The weather was beautiful and sunny. The sky was so blue. It was as if time stood still. We drove around wondering what all this means to our future. At Utah Valley they spent about 3 hours doing my CT Scans and then they wished me luck and told me the doctor would have the results tomorrow morning. 

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Today I was subbing at the elementary school with Mrs. Davis’ 6^th grade class. During my lunch break, the doctor, my surgeon, called me back with my results of the surgical biopsy they performed on my the lump on my left shoulder/neck area. I was stunned as he explained to me that the lump was an actual tumor. It was not benign and it has come from somewhere else in my body. He was ordering immediate CT scans to be done on my head, neck, chest, abdomen, and pelvis. He also ordered a mammogram. I was told to be at the hospital tomorrow morning at 8am to begin the scans. Then he told me to come back to the office on Thursday at 9:30am to meet with the doctor to go over the test results.

I called Lincoln and shared the stunning news with him. He said he would leave work early and meet me at home. My mind was in a daze as I tried to prepare sub plans for the next 2 days at school and try to figure out what all this meant. I was scared, but didn’t allow myself to dwell on the unknown. It could be anything. I just need to wait and see.

In a nut shell . . .

The last 3 weeks have been a whirlwind of doctors visits and tests, all because of a little bump I found on my shoulder/neck area. We finally got the results on Thursday, March 22, 2012, and we were shocked to find that I was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Crazy! I'm Mormon and have never smoked a day in my life. I didn't grow up in a home where anyone else smoked! On Mon. March 26th, I started my first chemo treatment. All very exciting stuff! It has been a tsunami of emotions, but I have had such an outpouring of love and support from so many wonderful friends, family and my Latter-day Saint Stake. My faith is strong and I know that God lives. I know that with Him all things are possible. I know that I can do hard things with his help and that miracles still happen. Our son, Tyler, was engaged 2 weeks ago and we have a wedding to plan for June 23, so there's no time to get over-worried about things that are in the Lord's hands. I just need to get better, so I can get back to doing the things I love and being with my family.