Thursday, March 22, 2012

This morning, we drove out to the doctor’s office and waited patiently for him to come in. Because my doctor had to leave the country yesterday, I was actually meeting with another doctor, who had done my hernia repair surgery the year before. We visited and talked about things in general at first and then he got to the results.

My head, neck, abdomen, and pelvis looked good. The mammogram was normal. The problem was in my chest. He told me I had a large tumor taking up about 20% of my upper left lung with various smaller tumors around it. The tumors from my lymph nodes on my shoulder had come from the main tumor. I was stunned, in disbelief. I asked again, what do I have? He replied, “Lisa, you’ve got stage 4 lung cancer.” Unbelievable! He asked me if I had ever smoked, if I had grown up in a home with 2^nd hand smoke, if I worked around asbestos. All my answers were the same, no. He asked if I’ve been experiencing any chest pain, shortness of breath or extra fatigue. Again, I said, No, No, No. I told him, I’m a wife and mother. I help coach a U14 competitive girls soccer team. I’ve been working full time at the elementary school with a 6^th grade class of 34 students. Am I tired, sure, but what woman isn’t?

He said 10% of the people who get lung cancer have never been around smoke in their lives. I was in the unlucky 10%. Then he showed us the computer screen with the image of my chest CT scan. Sure enough, there in black and white was an undeniable, oddly shaped tumor at the top of my left lung. There was no denying it.

He went on to explain that he had spoken with a terrific oncologist, Dr. Wendy Breyer, who would see me first thing Monday morning and give me my first chemo treatment. Before I did that, he told me I’d be going back into same day surgery tomorrow to have a ‘port’ put into my upper right chest. The port is just under the skin and will be an easy access point for the doctors and nurses to draw blood and give me chemo medications. There will be a small tubing connected to the port that will feed right into my main artery. He asked if we understood and we blankly agreed. I was in a fog. My mind was racing. He instructed us to walk across the parking lot the American Fork Huntsman Cancer Institute right next to the hospital and get registered. That’s where I’ll be getting my treatments. Dr. Peugh gave me a big hug before he left and wished me well. I’m thinking ‘that can’t be great news if the doctor is hugging me.’ Linc & I wiped our tears and I took a deep breath before we left the office.

At the Cancer Institute, we were given a stack of forms. I filled those out and stood back in line to turn them in. I heard a lady call my name from behind me. “Lisa, is that you? I’m Shauna from our BYU ward many years go. Do you remember me?“  I actually did. Then she said, “What are you doing here? Oh no. Don’t tell me you’ve got cancer!” I nodded my head and she hugged me and we both cried. I can’t believe this is really happening. It is so surreal.

Linc & I came home and tried to decide how best to share the news with our children. We drove to Tyler’s work and met him in the parking lot. He sat in the car with us and we told him of the results. He too was in shock and we shared some tears.

A week ago, I had arranged to meet, the mother of Tyler’s fiance, Andrea for lunch and wedding dress shopping. Even when I got the news about the cancer, I decided that I didn’t want to miss out on this special afternoon. I don’t know what the future will bring, but I wasn’t going to miss out on today. It was such a wonderful afternoon.  It turns out that Annette is a breast cancer survivor. We talked and she expressed her love and concern for me, my health and the upcoming wedding. I felt like we bonded.

Lincoln took Lexy and drove up to Logan to share the news with her, Chad, & Ashley. He said they laughed and cried together, but it made it easier to have been told in person.

Tyler and Lincoln gave me a blessing tonight. Tyler acted as voice and it was a beautiful blessing. I’m scared about the many unknowns about the future, but I also feel a real sense of peace that God is with me and that it will be all right.

As I knelt tonight in prayer, I thanked the Lord for the blessings of the gospel in my life and for my precious family. I thanked him for my testimony and for the power of prayer and temple covenants. I asked him to help me be strong on this journey so that I can be an instrument in his hands for good in lifting others and submitting to his will.