The Big Day - PET Scan

Wed. Dec 19, 2012 PET Scan

This morning, Lincoln and I left early to go to the hospital to have my PET Scan and get the results from my doctor. I have been praying and fasting that the cancer will be gone and if not, that I would be strong and patient with whatever the news would be.

The scan took 2 hours and we rushed over to the doctor's office to await the results. He entered the room with a very focused, concerned face. It wasn’t the smiling, happy face that I’m used to seeing with him. He began by explaining what he saw and it took us a bit to process what he was saying. In short, ALL the cancer that was previously in my left lung, lymph nodes and other small tumors on the left side of my chest are COMPLETELY gone, completely! Wahoo! 

But there appears to be another small ½ inch tumor in a lymph node that is just to the right of my sternum that has never shown up before. The doctor was perplexed and surprised as to why it’s there and how it could be there when it didn’t even show up on the August PET Scan. There is group of specialists that make up a Tumor Board. The board reviews cancer cases on a weekly basis to discuss situations like mine and they share their recommendations as how to proceed. He wants my case to go before the board and get their opinions.  The only problem is that the board doesn’t meet again until Jan. 9^th, due to the holidays. He told us to still go to Seattle and enjoy our trip and we’ll figure this out when we return.

I came home in a bit of a stupor, trying to process it all. I know that a miracle has happened in that all of my previous cancer is GONE! That is a miracle. I was stage 3B and now that cancer is GONE! If the Lord could help me heal from that huge amount of cancer, I have no doubt that he can get rid of this little tumor as well. There was a plaque in the doctor’s office with a great quote that said, “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” We are headed to Seattle to enjoy Christmas with my family and I plan on dancing in the rain A LOT!

My Birthday!

Tues. Dec. 18, 2012 

This morning Ashley and I went to have a pedicure together! That was one of my requests for my birthday. I want to have pretty toes for my PET Scan tomorrow and for our trip to Seattle later this week. Ashley and I laughed and giggled as an athletic, young man sat in the salon chair next to me and proceeded to have a pedicure AND requested red and green alternating nail polish on his toes. It was so funny and so hard NOT to stare! :0

Lisa & Ashley's beautiful toes!

With beautiful toes and soft feet, we hurried home where my friend and her daughter came to pick us up for my birthday lunch. As we walked out to Tracy’s car, I noticed that a dear man from my ward was happily shoveling our driveway. I asked him what he was doing and he responded, “It’s your birthday!” I couldn’t believe it!

A week or two ago, Tracy had asked if she and a friend could take me to lunch. I was thrilled. I figured it would be Tracy and Jeannee, but I started receiving emails and texts this morning from a number of sisters in the ward that were apologizing that they couldn’t make it to my birthday lunch today. I wondered what was going on.

As we approached restaurant, I saw many sisters from the neighborhood. I point blank asked Tracy, “WHAT is going on?! Is it more than just you and Jeannee?” She confessed that, “Well, there may be more than 4 people, maybe more than 6 or 8. In fact, there could be more than 10 or 12 people.” What?! I felt embarrassed! Then I reminded myself to take a deep and remember that “it’s not about me, it’s not about me” and to enjoy. Wait a minute, it’s my birthday. Today IS about me!

As we walked into the lobby of the restaurant, I was again overcome with emotion as I saw the entire lobby filled with sweet sisters from my ward. They had all come to celebrate with me. I just couldn’t believe that at this busy, busy time of year when I often don’t have time to celebrate my own birthday, that they had each taken time out of their schedules to celebrate with me. We had a wonderful time talking and laughing and being together. There were 19 sisters in all that came to support me. What a blessing!

Later, I had several friends drop by the house to wish me a happy birthday and to let me know they were thinking of me. Tonight I had a long talk with Heavenly Father about how grateful I am for the angels that are ministering to me in the form of beautiful women and men who are in my neighborhood, ward and community. It's a birthday that I'll never forget.

Michelle, Ashley and Tracy

RobbiAnn, Dana & Jennifer

Haley & Brenda

Marie, Kris, Cheryl and Deborah

Jeannee, Carol and Debbie

 

Christmas Concnert

The First Christmas

Mon. Dec. 17, 2012

Tonight Ashley, Lexy, Lincoln and I attended the Pleasant Grove High School Christmas Program. I love their music and the way that music helps me feel the spirit. We went for many years with Chad, Tyler, and Ashley when they were in the different choirs. I've missed attending the last two years. One section of the program was centered around songs of Jesus Christ and his birth. It was so beautiful. The lights were focused on a manger with a bright star over it. A wave of emotion swept over me as I felt my Savior’s love and the gratitude I have to still be here to enjoy this Christmas season with my family. I am grateful for tender mercies in my life and for the miracles that have happened to allow me to still me here. I love the Christmas season!

MRI Time

Wed. Nov. 28, 2012

Tracy took me to my MRI this morning and waited until I went in for the exam. It took about 1½ hours. Lincoln was there in the waiting room when I came out. I was told I’d have to wait 2 days for the results. I didn't want to wait that long, so we walked over to the doctor’s office and the secretary called the doctor at his Provo office. He spoke with me and said that he’d just received the images of my MRI and everything looked completely normal. Yay! He can only attribute my blurry vision to a strange side effect of the prednisone. He had me cut back a little on my dosage and told me he’d see me Dec. 6 for a check up on my lungs. 

As I walked out of the office, I was overcome with emotion of gratitude that I’m all right. Such tender mercies happen so often in my life and I recognize God’s sustaining influence in every daily. I’m so grateful to be alive.

Another trip to the doctor's office

Tues. Nov. 27, 2012

This morning I went to the temple. I’ve been so busy the last 2 weeks and I just NEEDED to make myself get there. There was a long hour wait, but it was so worth it.Being in the temple brings me strength and hope and peace. As I was finishing up, one of the temple workers, about 35 years old, stopped to tell me that she was a 12 year cancer survivor and told me to hang in there and keep up the good fight. The Lord continually places people in my path to strengthen me and lift me along the way. I know that He knows what I’m going through and that brings me peace and comfort.

My eyes have been a little blurry since I started on my Prednisone and I called the doctor’s office. They had me come in for a blood test to see if my blood sugar levels were out of whack. Later they called and told me that my blood sugar levels are fine, but that I need to go in to the hospital tomorrow and have an MRI of my brain. I couldn't believe it! I’m sure I’m fine and I hate to make such a big deal about this. I was worried about telling Lincoln because I hate giving him any more to worry about. I just have to move forward in faith and trust that everything will be all right.

Thanksgiving Get Away at Zermott

Nov. 21 - 24, 2012

We took all our kids to a condo at Zermott Resort in Midway, UT to enjoy some time away from life and make some memories. Two mornings, Lincoln and I went riding our bikes. I was able to ride 6 miles around town. I got a good workout, but it felt great. 

Later we came back and got all the kids and went to a park in town and had a fabulous 2 hour ultimate-frisbee game. We laughed and laughed together. Linc treated everyone to Slurpee’s afterwards and we took photos. Back at the condo, we played Pinochle, Phase 10 and the boys had fun playing Halo 4.

After dinner we decided to go to the indoor/outdoor pool. It was the first time that I’ve been able to be in ‘public water’ since I started treatment in March. I was brave and wore my BYU baseball cap instead of my wig. It was so much fun to hang out in the Jacuzzi with our kids and watch them play tag and chase each other having fun. The outdoor Jacuzzi was beautiful with the crisp fall air and the warm water. Back at the condo we ate ice cream and pie, and played Taboo and laughed. 

I am so humbly grateful for this trip that we've had together and that I’m still here to enjoy in these moments. I love the Lord. I love my family and I’m grateful for the miracles that have allowed me to still be here on this mortal experience.

Unexpected trip to the Doctor

Tues. Nov. 20, 2012

This afternoon I went in to see Dr. Clark, the radiation oncologist. I’ve had some difficulty taking deep breaths the last few weeks and the past 4 days have gotten worse. I even avoided going running/walking because I was concerned that something was wrong with my lungs. I’ve experienced increased fatigue and have been feeling feel wiped out. As I spoke with the doctor, he asked if I was also experiencing a dry cough. Yes I have! He sent me right over to the AF Hospital to have a CT scan of my chest and then I walked back to his office.

He took a look at the image and said, “That’s what I thought. You’ve got Radiation Pnuemonitis.” He explained it’s like pneumonia, but not. The radiation treatments caused some inflammation going on in my left lung and it’s making it more difficult for me to breath. He has put me on Prednisone, a steroid, for about 4-6 weeks to help my lungs heal and that should clear things up. I was so relieved! I thought that the cancer was back in my lungs and maybe that’s why I was having such a hard time breathing. What an emotional roller coaster one’s health challenges can be at times. I’m just grateful that everything is going to be fine. He told me I’ll feel an increase of energy in 2 days or so and then I’ll slowly heal. I can go out and exercise as much as my body feels able to do. Yay! Now I can enjoy Thanksgiving.

A Change of Color

Thurs. Nov. 15, 2012

I've been busy getting ready for our Thanksgiving get away with the kids next week. I decided to go all out and color what little hair I have on my head today. I was tired of all the white and black and white patches of hair. I’m tired of looking like a ghost and decided to color it brown again. There’s very little to color, but it was such a sweet experience, because I feel like I’m getting back to being a girl again and doing normal girl things. I still have 2 bald patches, one at the crown of my head and one at the front of my head, but the rest is a beautiful brown color AND it’s coming back wavy! I think my curls are actually coming back. Wahoo!

Tonight I went to Bunco with my 11 friends and completely enjoy having dinner with them. I could taste and enjoy the yummy food! The sweet food and candy, I passed on because it was too sweet. I think my taste buds are trying to fine tune themselves. Haha I don’t like sour cream foods either. The sour is just TOO sour right now. It’s a process, but I’m so thrilled that the process of recovery has begun!

Port Flush

Tues. Nov. 13, 2012

This morning I had to go in to the cancer center to get my port flushed. It’s been 6 weeks and I‘ll need to do that every 6 weeks until my port is removed. It felt a little strange going back in there. I was happy to see the nurses and staff, but a had a little anxious feeling about being there again. Even though it was just a quick 10 minute procedure, it reminded me how grateful I am to not be there. This entire cancer journey is such an emotional experience. Even when I’m going about my day doing ‘normal’ everyday things, I will be surprised when a wave of emotion washes over me when I am reminded of the precious gift that life is and how happy I am to still be here. I’m tearing up just thinking about it. 

Attention: My taste buds are BACK!

Mon. Nov. 12, 2012

My taste buds are back!! I want to shout it from the roof tops. After a very long vacation, my taste buds have returned and I am reminded once again what a JOY it is to taste food. That’s another tender reminder that my body is healing and getting better!

I had a glass of orange flavored fiber drink and it was like my brain was screaming, “That’s ORANGE! That’s ORANGE!” It was like sucking on the most flavorful orange lifesaver ever and I recognized it! I was so thrilled. I had to thank Heavenly Father for that blessing in my life. Thanksgiving is just a week away and I’m going to be able to enjoy all those wonderful flavors with my family. What a lucky girl I am! I also go to go jogging and did 2.77 miles. I’m running a 12 min. mile now and it feels good. 

V8 Taste bud Commercial - This is totally me!

Christmas in November?

Snowfall in Utah is gorgeous!

Friday Nov. 9, 2012 – Merry Christmas!

It's the first snowfall of the year and it's absolutely beautiful.  I had a ball making homemade cinnamon rolls and drinking hot chocolate while listening to Christmas music. 

I love experiencing the different seasons in Utah. I’m also finding that my taste buds are coming back! Some of the flavors are VERY strong and overpowering, but it’s a wonderful experience!

Serving is Joy

Wed. Oct 24, 2012

This morning I decided I needed to get to the temple. I haven’t been in a while and I needed to go again and feel the spirit that only the temple can provide. I did initiatory work. I know that we are supposed to go to the temple to do work for others, but today I needed to go to the temple for ME. I waited for my turn. I was overwhelmed by the love and peace I felt from my Heavenly Father as I listened to the beautiful blessings and promises that are given in that sacred ordinance. One temple worker gently squeezed my arm each time I came to her and I felt a love and support from this sweet lady. Before I finished, she came up to me and whispered, ‘I know what you are going through right now and I want you to know that I’m a survivor and you are a survivor, too.’ I needed to hear that. Another worker thanked me for coming to the temple and told me to keep coming back. I’m so grateful for the Lord placing these sweet angels in my path to strengthen me and give the words of encouragement that I really needed to hear today. I came home with such gratitude in my heart for the Lord’s tender mercies and influence in my life. The temple is a place of peace, guidance, healing, and strength.

I spent the afternoon making some homemade soup, cornbread and cookies for my dear friend who has been really sick the last few days. It felt wonderful to throw myself into serving someone else and not focusing on my own challenges and worries. Giving service to others is truly the way to minimize our own trials. Serving is joy.

Self doubt

Tues. Oct. 23, 2012

Tonight as I was resting in bed, I had a huge wave of emotion wash over me with feelings of concern about my health and the cancer. I have felt sensations in my chest from time to time since I finished up my treatments and I just don’t know what they mean. I want the cancer to be gone. I want to be cancer free. I told Lincoln that I don’t want to go through the chemo again and I just pray that all will be well when I have my PET Scan in December. Lincoln just hugged me and told me everything will be all right. I think I am just tired and need a good night’s sleep!

The Miracle of Soup made with Love

Tues. Oct. 16, 2012

This morning I went walk/jogging by myself. It felt good to get out, but it was definitely a workout. My friend, Jeannee, dropped off some homemade tomato & pasta soup and yummy rolls at my front door. She just thought I might enjoy it. 

I didn’t stop to eat lunch until 3pm this afternoon. I haven’t been able to taste anything for the past 3 or 4 weeks, but I knew I could swallow it. When I took the first bite, I was shocked and so excited that I could taste a little something! I even started to get emotional about the whole thing. This means that I am going to get my taste buds back and be able to enjoy food again. I thanked my Heavenly Father for this blessing in my life. It will help me be more patient with my body and realize that I am healing and healing takes time. Life is such a miracle to me. I am so grateful to be here.

Homemade rolls & tomato soup! Yummy!

The 156th Ward 'Corn Night Reunion'

Mon. Oct. 15, 2012

It’s been 3 weeks since I had my last chemo and 2 weeks since I had my last radiation treatment. I’m feeling much better except for fatigue. I haven’t had to take a nap since last Wednesday, but I do need to get off my feet in the evening after dinner and just watch tv or relax a bit.

Tonight we had a BYU 156^th Ward Reunion Corn Night at Brother Ross Wright’s home. Lincoln served in the Bishopric of the 156^th ward with Ross and Brad Norton served as Bishop. We used to gather in the Fall at the Wright home and pick corn out of his enormous backyard garden and eat dutch oven potatoes, homemade salsa, apple dump cake and more. We ended up having about 30 people come and spend a few hours reminiscing about the good old days, 7 years ago, when we were in the same ward. A hand full of the kids were married, two brought their little children and others just updated on us how their lives are going now. We each took a moment to share a memory of the old ward and how it had impacted our lives. It was so awesome! I’m grateful for the time that I had to be there and to rub shoulders with these terrific young people.

Becky, Jonny, Stacy

Lincoln & Casey

Bro. Ross Wright & Mary

Bishop Norton, Wes, Alese & Debbie

Bro Wright & Vickie

Corey &^Tara

A morning jog

Tues. Oct. 9, 2012

Today my legs felt worn out from my run yesterday. I didn’t feel like I had a lot of reserve this morning on our walk. At one point, we were jogging, downhill, and we passed three other ladies who were out walking together. We said, ‘Good morning.’ Then my friend yelled back to them, “I’m just running with my cancer friend who just finished chemo!” I couldn’t believe it. I looked at her and said, “Really? Did we really have to do that?!” She just laughed, so all I could do was laugh too. Running, laughing, and being in the fresh outdoors does me so much good. It’s truly therapeutic. 

I enjoy housework!

Mon. Oct. 8, 2012

Today was a very busy day. I vacuumed the house, cleaned out several of the kitchen cupboards and de-junked, and washed several loads of clothes. It felt so great to be able to have the energy to take care of my house.

My walking buddy was out of town today, so I decided to run on the treadmill. Wow! What a workout! I ran for 20 minutes and did a cool down walk for another 5. I thought I was in super shape, but I still have some time to get back to where I was before. I’m grateful that I am able to exercise. It felt so good and it does wonders to get my endorphins flowing! I love being alive.

Food Glorious Food!

Thurs. Oct. 4, 2012

For the past three weeks, my taste buds quit working and I have not been able to taste any food at all. Everything tastes burnt, bad or completely bland. It’s been a bit of a bummer, to say the least. I’m amazed at how much of our lives revolve around food. We eat to survive, to socialize with friends and family. We eat to celebrate happy moments in our lives and to comfort ourselves when we are feeling down. We give gifts of food to express our love to others and to remember the past. It’s amazing to me how much food is such a HUGE part of our culture and our lives. Can you imagine experiencing Disneyland without the churros, ice cream, or the giant Mickey Mouse-shaped pretzels? I can’t and to be honest, I’m feeling a little left out, not to mention hungry.

One thing I can eat that has no taste is vanilla. I’m drinking vanilla protein shakes, Boost nutritional drinks, and eating vanilla pudding. It’s pretty boring, but that’s okay because I know it won’t last forever.

I look forward to getting my taste buds back. The doctor says that everyone is different, but it should happen about 3-4 weeks from my last treatment. Wahoo! I’m excited about Thanksgiving dinner, Halloween treats, Cobb Salads and yummy soups. Just watching tv commercials about food makes me salivate. I told my husband he’d better save up some cash because I plan on eating out at all my favorite restaurants when my taste buds get working again. J Life is not just to be experienced, but to be savored. 

Baby girl, all grown up!

Wed. Oct. 3, 2012

Today is a great day to be alive! I’m so grateful to have gone walking/jogging this morning and feel the sun on my face and see the beautiful fall colors on the mountains. Every day is a gift and it’s strange not to have to go the cancer center today. Haha, but I can get used to this!

The Young Women’s Night of Excellence Program was tonight. Lincoln and I went with Lexy and had so much fun! I helped her get dressed in her big sister’s Prom dress. Can’t believe my baby is so grown up! She looked beautiful. It was a fun night to help her feel special and realize all the wonderful qualities she has as a daughter of God.

Night of Excellence - Lexy and Jessi

Radiation 30/30 Complete!

Mon. Oct. 1, 2012

Today was my very last day of radiation! Yay! As I was laying on the table getting my tumor zapped by the radiation machine, my thoughts turned to God and I thought about the past six months of my life trying to beat this cancer. I thanked Heavenly Father that I was at this point in my journey and pleaded that these treatments will have done the job in killing off the cancer completely. I also thanked him for the incredible amount of love and support that both I and my family have received during this unexpected journey. As I got up from the table I mentioned to Katie and Dana, the technicians, that this was my last radiation. One of them said she was sad not to see me again, but happy that I made it through everything. Dana disappeared around the corner and then came back with a bottle of Sparkling Cider and a big ‘congratulations!’

I also had my blood drawn first to see if my body responded to the shots last week to raise my white blood cell count. Everything came back normal and looking good. I was very relieved. It feels so awesome to be at this point, but also surreal. I can’t believe I don’t have to go back again tomorrow, but so grateful that it’s a reality.

With a heart full of gratitude, I move forward to let the healing begin and pray for a very positive PET Scan in December. Until then, I plan on making the most of everyday that I’ve been given.

I'm sooo hungry!

Sat. Sept 29, 2012

Beautiful fall day!  My biggest problem has been being SUPER hungry! I’m just having the hardest time swallowing things. I don’t even mind so much that I can’t taste food, but swallowing is a problem. This afternoon, Lincoln came home and I announced that I NEEDED a kid’s meal from Artic Circle. Haha. 

My stomach hurts from being so hungry! It took me about 40 minutes, but I finished the hamburger and was so happy to have a full tummy! This should start getting better in a few weeks. I just need to hang in there.

Arctic Circle Kid's Burger + 40 minutes = A full tummy! 

Fighting cancer lying down . .

Fri. Sept 28, 2012

Lincoln worked from home for the second day to keep an eye on me. He took me to my appointments this morning. When we got to radiation, I had him come back and see how the radiation machine works. He met the cute radiation technicians that have become my friends over the last 6 weeks and they explained the process to him. Pretty cool.

Tonight he and Lexy went to the BYU football game and I stayed at home and watched it on tv. I didn’t feel up to getting out for the game, but Tyler dropped by and watched it with me. I’m doing better and looking forward to my last radiation treatment on Monday. Wahoo!

It's always darkest just before the dawn

Wed. Sept. 26, 2012

Today has been a tough day. I’m not sure why, but it just has. My body hurts and I just am looking forward to getting better. I know I can do this and I just have to hang in there and be patient and trust in the Lord. I opened my front door this afternoon and found a gorgeous bouquet of flowers from a dear friend telling me congratulations on finishing my chemo! That sent me into tears and I realized how lucky I am to have such amazing people in my life. I truly am blessed.

Tonight was probably the hardest night I’ve had to far. I was in a lot of pain, chest on fire, throat and esophagus raw, teeth aching, neuropathy hurting, freezing and shaking like a leaf. Lincoln was able to give me a blessing and I took a sleeping pill to fall asleep. I’m so grateful for a loving, patient husband and for the power of the priesthood in my life. I’m looking forward to getting better.

I'm not alone . . .

Tues. Sept. 25, 2012

This morning I went walking again with Tracy and it was a little harder today than it has been. I’m just feeling fatigued from the radiation. I met with Dr. Clark and we talked about how I’m doing with all the radiation side effects. It’s getting harder, but I just have to hang in there. The doctor told me that all the side effects will peak around 10-12 days after my final radiation treatment and then I’ll start to feel better. Not to complain, but my chest feels like a really bad sunburn, my tastes buds don’t exist at all, and it’s extremely difficult to swallow anything. Not a lot of fun, but I’m hoping that all this is killing the cancer for good!

My sweet friend Becky, from my college days, dropped by this afternoon to say hi and see how I’m doing. It was so awesome to reconnect with her after so many years. She too has had some very challenging experiences in her life and we both agreed that it has been our faith that has gotten us through the trials and made us better people because of it. Life is much more precious now and we acknowledge the Lord’s blessings in our lives and the power of prayer as our friends and family have rallied around us in the tough times.

Chemo #12 out 12! Someone ring that bell!!

Mon. Sept. 24, 2012

Chemo #12 out of 12! Done & Done!

I did it! I completed 12 out of 12 rounds of chemo!! Tracy went with me again. Radiation first, 25 out of 30 and chemo #12. My platelets and white blood cell count were low again, but the doctor let me to go ahead and get my last round of chemo. Wahoo! I will have to come in every day again to get the neupragen shot to boost my white blood cell count and help my immune system to bounce back. I didn’t even have a reaction to the Carboplatin, (cancer drug)! The nurse said most people get a saturation point and can’t handle any more. I didn’t! The American Fork office doesn’t have a bell to ring when patients finish their treatment, like some cancer centers do, so I just told everyone I was done with chemo and ringing a ‘virtual bell’ as a victory cry! They just laughed at me and wished me well.

Tonight to celebrate, we had a Google Hang-Out Session with Ashley, Chad, Tyler & Andrea, my mom & dad, Kathy and Maddie. It was fun to celebrate together and just catch up on each other’s lives. My family means everything to me!